After E&E went to bed last night - which, let me tell you, was like WW III - I hesitantly brought up the idea to my hubby of postponing our FET. And surprise, surprise! He didn't have a strong feeling one way or the other about it. I don't know why, but I actually was a little surprised he didn't have a preference. Looking back, I should have known better. ;)
Now I feel like this is yet one more thing I just need to decide on my own and basically tell my hubby what I want to do. As I've mentioned before, this is both good and bad...good that I can do things my way but bad that we aren't actually making the decision together. Because isn't that a big part of what marriage is? Making decisions together as a unified front?
So here is a list of some of the pros and cons of postponing from my perspective (please feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments):
(-) We will be even older...I will be well into my 38th year and my husband will be halfway through his 47th year (as opposed to if we move forward in January when I would give birth about a month before I turn 38 and just a couple weeks after my hubby turns 47).
(-) It will affect how much I am able to participate in my 20 year class reunion in 2017. I know it sounds silly to include this but it's been on my mind since my last class reunion (which was the most fun EVER) because as an infertile, I knew timing would be questionable if I was still growing my family in my later 30s. I graduated from high school in a tiny town with a tiny class of 43. We're all very close and I really want to have a good time at our next reunion and not be - for lack of a better phrase - tied down (and exhausted) with a newborn. Oh, and I currently live in a different state so it's not like it would be just an evening out. It would be at least a long weekend away. And it takes 8 - 10 hours to drive there.
(-) I'm afraid if we postpone, we will postpone permanently because we will have become comfortable or we will have come to a deeper understanding that we just can't afford it. Or that I will be ready to move forward in a few months and my hubby won't. So then we will end up going through the whole argument again.
(-) 99% of my girlfriends are already done having kids and are on their way to freedom and flexibility. Don't get me wrong, I love the infant and toddler stages and all the snuggles, and I know I will mourn it one day when it is over for good, but when I am still tied to naps and feedings, my girlfriends will have their big kids making their own big-kid decisions. And they won't have to wipe anyone's butt but their own.
(-) I really want to go on a 40th birthday trip with my girlfriends the year we all - or most of us - turn 40. And I want to not have to worry so much about my kids when I'm gone. I have trust issues with caretakers other than myself and my hubby when my kids are less than 18 months old. (I have big-kid fears too but I'm not there yet with my twins so it's less of a worry right now.) So it would be ideal for my next child to be a bit older by the time I turn 40. (I have similar thoughts for the year my hubby turns 50...which is the year after I turn 40.)
(-) If waiting until next year, it will likely be more expensive because we've already met our out of pocket deductible for this year. That is, if some of the FET monitoring is covered by insurance like I think it is. (I expect to find this out for sure at one of our appointments in December.)
(+) Then again, if postponing until next year, it will help us reach next year's out-of-pocket limit faster.
(-/+) We will inevitably get the "you're too old to be parents" comments, which I'm already dreading, especially from my hubby's family. But I suppose we will get these comments whether we postpone our FET or not. So maybe this is a more neutral point.
(+) We will (hopefully) be more financially stable by only having about a year left of daycare payments for our twins (instead of a year and a half - which doesn't sound like a big difference but when we're talking literally thousands of dollars every month on childcare, it makes a bigger impact). Plus, my hubby will be up for a promotion sometime in March...adding to our financial security (if all goes as planned...although that may be more of an argument not to postpone).
(+) I won't be pregnant, and thus huge and sick and uncomfortable and limited, when we move into our new house late next spring. It will be easier for me to help pack and move big boxes and rely less on others for help, which, let's face it, no one likes helping other people move. No one even likes helping themselves move.
(+) E&E will be bigger and easier and more helpful with a newborn around. Because they will be out of their terrible twos - fingers crossed - and closer to four years old. (FOUR YEARS OLD. I can't imagine my kids being that big.)
(+) I will have the baby of the group for my friends and family to ooh and ahh over. Who doesn't love that! ;) Although six months isn't that big of a difference when it comes to this.
(+) Our new baby could have a due date closer to E&E's birthday and my mom's birthday. Having my child's birthday on or near my mom's birthday has been a dream of mine since losing her 10 years ago to breast cancer.
At this very moment in time, I am leaning toward not postponing because I know things will be hard either way. So, really, why delay the inevitable?
But we'll see how I feel in the next five minutes...
***
In other news, we signed the paperwork last night to start building our new house! If all goes as planned, our builders should break ground in about three weeks. So. Exciting. :D (I'm trying not to think about the stressful stuff and just enjoy the process.)
Now I feel like this is yet one more thing I just need to decide on my own and basically tell my hubby what I want to do. As I've mentioned before, this is both good and bad...good that I can do things my way but bad that we aren't actually making the decision together. Because isn't that a big part of what marriage is? Making decisions together as a unified front?
So here is a list of some of the pros and cons of postponing from my perspective (please feel free to let me know your thoughts in the comments):
(-) We will be even older...I will be well into my 38th year and my husband will be halfway through his 47th year (as opposed to if we move forward in January when I would give birth about a month before I turn 38 and just a couple weeks after my hubby turns 47).
(-) It will affect how much I am able to participate in my 20 year class reunion in 2017. I know it sounds silly to include this but it's been on my mind since my last class reunion (which was the most fun EVER) because as an infertile, I knew timing would be questionable if I was still growing my family in my later 30s. I graduated from high school in a tiny town with a tiny class of 43. We're all very close and I really want to have a good time at our next reunion and not be - for lack of a better phrase - tied down (and exhausted) with a newborn. Oh, and I currently live in a different state so it's not like it would be just an evening out. It would be at least a long weekend away. And it takes 8 - 10 hours to drive there.
(-) I'm afraid if we postpone, we will postpone permanently because we will have become comfortable or we will have come to a deeper understanding that we just can't afford it. Or that I will be ready to move forward in a few months and my hubby won't. So then we will end up going through the whole argument again.
(-) 99% of my girlfriends are already done having kids and are on their way to freedom and flexibility. Don't get me wrong, I love the infant and toddler stages and all the snuggles, and I know I will mourn it one day when it is over for good, but when I am still tied to naps and feedings, my girlfriends will have their big kids making their own big-kid decisions. And they won't have to wipe anyone's butt but their own.
(-) I really want to go on a 40th birthday trip with my girlfriends the year we all - or most of us - turn 40. And I want to not have to worry so much about my kids when I'm gone. I have trust issues with caretakers other than myself and my hubby when my kids are less than 18 months old. (I have big-kid fears too but I'm not there yet with my twins so it's less of a worry right now.) So it would be ideal for my next child to be a bit older by the time I turn 40. (I have similar thoughts for the year my hubby turns 50...which is the year after I turn 40.)
(-) If waiting until next year, it will likely be more expensive because we've already met our out of pocket deductible for this year. That is, if some of the FET monitoring is covered by insurance like I think it is. (I expect to find this out for sure at one of our appointments in December.)
(+) Then again, if postponing until next year, it will help us reach next year's out-of-pocket limit faster.
(-/+) We will inevitably get the "you're too old to be parents" comments, which I'm already dreading, especially from my hubby's family. But I suppose we will get these comments whether we postpone our FET or not. So maybe this is a more neutral point.
(+) We will (hopefully) be more financially stable by only having about a year left of daycare payments for our twins (instead of a year and a half - which doesn't sound like a big difference but when we're talking literally thousands of dollars every month on childcare, it makes a bigger impact). Plus, my hubby will be up for a promotion sometime in March...adding to our financial security (if all goes as planned...although that may be more of an argument not to postpone).
(+) I won't be pregnant, and thus huge and sick and uncomfortable and limited, when we move into our new house late next spring. It will be easier for me to help pack and move big boxes and rely less on others for help, which, let's face it, no one likes helping other people move. No one even likes helping themselves move.
(+) E&E will be bigger and easier and more helpful with a newborn around. Because they will be out of their terrible twos - fingers crossed - and closer to four years old. (FOUR YEARS OLD. I can't imagine my kids being that big.)
(+) I will have the baby of the group for my friends and family to ooh and ahh over. Who doesn't love that! ;) Although six months isn't that big of a difference when it comes to this.
(+) Our new baby could have a due date closer to E&E's birthday and my mom's birthday. Having my child's birthday on or near my mom's birthday has been a dream of mine since losing her 10 years ago to breast cancer.
At this very moment in time, I am leaning toward not postponing because I know things will be hard either way. So, really, why delay the inevitable?
But we'll see how I feel in the next five minutes...
***
In other news, we signed the paperwork last night to start building our new house! If all goes as planned, our builders should break ground in about three weeks. So. Exciting. :D (I'm trying not to think about the stressful stuff and just enjoy the process.)